How I See Myself

In 5 years I will be 30...

When I was in college and early 20s, I feared so much to be 25 as I thought by then I will be old and still lived a meaningless life. Check check double check!

When I was nearing 25 I had a panic attack since I realized I've never cultivated a relationship with the opposite sex and still a virgin. That's why a few months before my birthday I flashed all my ideals to drain. Becoming the "go-getter' in my barkada.

Now that I have become old and like expected, lived a meaningless life I again feared to be 30. I really hope when I turned 30 I did a little to my life that made it meaningful. i remember when 'Tita Gwyneth Paltrow' was asked (years ago) about becoming 30 she put her hands on her face and said with a facial expression that she's scared. gaahd! i can totally relate to her now.

when i look back i hope I've done the following:
- have a family - not just my parents and sisters but a real family with husband and hopefully i already have one kid
- love my work - not totally crazy workaholic towards my job but actually being contented and satisfied with my job i don't want to go somewhere else
- be in perfect shape - like Jessica Alba body and hopefully by then a 'vegetarian' (not realistic! not realistic!

with the kind of life I'm living now am pretty sure I'll stay in this state for the rest of my life. i have to make drastic changes but am a little lost...
I'm praying to St. Jude constantly. i really wanna know my direction. haaay!! prolly this is due to the gloomy weather...

Cannie, Jemima and Me

So my friend van sent me 2 ebooks that she said were fab and an interesting read… so being kinda bored on weekends I decided to print Good In Bed and miraculously read (partially), Jemima. Van almost always reminds me to read since I can relate daw to the books. I started with Good In Bed which is about a large woman who couldn’t get over her past love Bruce, then now am starting to read Jemima which is not surprisingly about a Large woman again (But I have yet to find out, as van who hopefully did not exaggerate said it is way nicer than Good In Bed)

I was a little stunned when I found out that both books were about overweight girls. I was expecting it would be one of those no brainer, about a semi-dimwit, clumsy girl who was chosen over a model look-a-like by some divine guy we can only read in books. But like I mentioned it was all about fats.

However, I couldn’t agree more when van said I can relate. Should be since like the protagonists Cannie and Jemima, I…

Struggled with weight for years
At one time gulped all the slimming teas and even tried diet pills
May have overdosed on Laxatives
Drunk too much diet sodas and tried Equal and Splenda as sweeteners
Would sometimes dream having a fabulous body (like Jessica Alba)
Enrolled in online diet tracking, formulated a diet (success/fail) tracking sheet in Excel and bought myself a weighing scale

But unlike Cannie and Jemima, I never got around loving my body and accepted the (unfabulous!) curves. I went on a diet that I may be feeling the effect now by constantly being sickly and sometimes always feeling sleepy.

However though, there is nobody else who can relate to their struggles, failures and little successes that is normally followed by binges. I can relate to those sufferings like when u just swallowed a cake after successfully not eating dinner the night before or buying yourself a breakfast from McDo after a jogging.

But despite the almost similar plot but a different ending. Both books were a good reminder to never lose sight on what’s real beauty and to never lose that sunny personality as same with Jemima and Cannie, they won over their boys by making fun of themselves a little and not taking their struggles too seriously. Hihih!

after then before photo:

Mixed Thoughts

A neighbor is selling fishballs, tempura, Kwek2 and of course “french fries” which am now really addicted to. I eat every after work. Am now worried on my cholesterol level. I’ve been monitoring my weight but not much change… maybe I’ll feel it next week when I get back home…

I have been craving cake and lumpia shanghai from jollibee.. Should be because my period is coming up but am also worried it could be the other thing.

I got to visit my inaanak and the very smart Iya - I got to see their progress a little, and experience first hand riley’s mischievousness. My god! That kid is a handful.. Seriously!! But really cute!

I need encouragement… seriously long distance love affair doesn’t work. We’ve only been apart 3 weeks and I really doubt if this man can keep up with the regular communication and constant long-distance-assurance that’s needed. He is failing and am expecting… I even dreamt about it! Gahd!! Keep your cool lao u still have until december.

I’ve been sleeping really early these days… I don’t enjoy local television and blogging is not that fun. I really need a life.

I prayed last night for him to come back. I doubt it… but I really hope I can spend a little more time with him. Then we can figure things out and really decide what to do… am sooo depressed and concerned about this.. Wahhh!! I’m having a relapse…

and major highlight is i saw this cute pic of me, van and JR…

Dieting and Moving On

September 2007, I was working on a night shift then, when I decided to seriously go on a diet (I have gone back and forth on dieting since time immortal). Hence from that day forward, I went on starving myself, I embarked heart and soul on after 6 diet, totally eliminated rice in my meals and willfully but not happily stopped eating my fave food french fries. Imagine how miserable I was after that… And imagine how miserable I was when after 2 weeks I gained 2 pounds. My gahd!!

It wasn’t easy… it took 1 year for me to reach that weight goal. There were bad days, and there were even days when I’d dream that I was eating dinner and feel really bad (no kidding!). I was that determined but really foolish.

This time though, I have seriously, willfully and again not happily decided to move on. It may take me a year to completely shake him off my system and after 2 weeks I may feel unsuccessful but then I think this Is really what I need…

Finally Got My Check Up

Last night, I only got maybe three hours of sleep due to my cough. So the next day, just when the Jollibee (Walter Mart Manggahan Branch) opened and after I bought myself a pink umbrella, I was quite ready to have my check up. Everything went well, the doctor was not annoyingly late and he knew the process of my Medserv Card. I went on telling him that I had this cough for a month already, how I haven’t gotten enough sleep due to coughing, the color of my phlegm (which is white), my self prescribed medicines and how I had a flue vaccine a week earlier before having an actual flue (He laughed about it of course).

He asked standard questions like if I have asthma, nostril allergies (if I feel funny in my nose) or Ulcers or Hyperacidity. Apparently these three are the most common reasons for prolonged dry cough. I did not have neither of those. He went on to examine my back (using stethoscope) and told me that my lungs do sound normal. At the end of the examination he asked me to get a chest X-Ray and see if I have Bronchitis, prescribed medicines for my cough (which after I drink I feel super sleepy), anti-allergy meds and antibiotics due to my cough’s duration. (talk about expensive medicines)

At the end of it all, though I haven’t noticed any improvement in my cough now, am just quite thankful I have my medserv card or else I would have been too poor today. This sat, I will be back for the X-ray results and praying that I don’t have any serious illness. Am just scared since most of the people (including me) have not been given good news lately. Oh well! I really hope I could go to that “manghihilot” in cebu where my mom brings me, every time I have cough or “panuhot”.

Please pray for my Health!

A Little Healed

I think my heart has gotten better. I am back to my usual routine of sleeping quite well. Last week, I’d be lucky to get 2 hours straight sated sleep but now all I do is sleep. This weekend I have quite activities lined up. I’ll be cleaning our house which I have pushed out for a month already. And my room really reallyy needs thorough cleaning, if you throw a pale of water you’d actually see mud covering the floor, really that bad. My curtains needs washing and our furniture need dusting.

Unfortunately though with my heart getting better, my body seemed to be deteriorating by the minute. My bruises which I suffer every month is kinda worse this menstrual cycle and my cough which is hunting me for over a month has also gotten worse. Aside from my general cleaning this weekend I also need to see a doctor and most likely I’ll have to get an Xray to rule out TB (which I may be suffering!).

Amazing how our body works, when u suffer matters of the heart, your body just seemed to also absorb the pain. But I think after this cough I’d be physically, mentally and spiritually healed, that if I’m not dead. Good Luck!

One Week with Courser

Our Shanghai counterparts came for a one week face to face… well ok nothing quite exciting about that, But…

Courser, is the only guy in PD without a girlfriend so being the flirt and the super single that I am, I kept on teasing myself to him and bug him once in a while with photos of myself.
At one point, my officemate even edited his and my picture so that we’d look together. Despite all this, my sweet counterpart did not even bother to reply to this malicious emails and kept mum while this was happening. So everyone including me were quite excited to see him in person and really see if indeed he was as withdrawn as he seemed to be. Ok ok.. I was more excited because my real counterpart told me he sent everyone a gift and was really looking forward to that.hihih!

So going back the week was filled with teasing, taking too many pictures and realizing that this counterpart was jolly and even jived with everyone when he was teased. My impression of him did kinda change. But despite the fact that he was pretty clear he wouldn’t like me, I know that his vacation here was quite worthwhile.

Yova's Special Day

Since my good friend van made a touching post on Yova’s special day, i thought i’d do the same. She went on about, how they first met, and how the friendship eventually grew, so maybe I’ll follow. Hihi! So here goes my little something-sometning for yov… Well the only thing i can’t forget when I first saw “him/her” was, how big “his/her” smile, when “he/she” one time visited gil in our class room (that was freshmen year). i’d never thought we’d soon become friends or even be in the same barkada. you know what they say about birds of the same feather? well we certainly have different but we somehow flocked together. i could rant about how fab, divalicious, gorgeous this friend is but like that wide smile this friend oozes with charisma and almost everyone just wanted to be “his/her” friend. he could be a total bitch to those “he/she” does not like but can be that truest friend to the people he chose. if he chose you, you’re marked as you’ll definitely be friends for life. Today is yova’s special day and then i can go on as to how thankful i am to becoming one of “his/her” friends… but instead today, i’d say a small prayer and wish “him/her” that all the wonderful blessings will continuously come and that he’d one day find that love story “he/she” truly deserve… Happy Birthday Yov! Lov you dai!

Diet Tracking

I am soo addicted to my diet that I have made a tracking sheet of my good and bad day.

The good is labeled green and the bad labeled red. If the shade is dark red that would be super bad!

Hihi! This nov I noticed that I was behaving so badly that I decided to dedicate 5 Days of super diet days (shaded with gray). As you can see, I am soo unsuccessful as my “5 Super Diet Days” was coincidentally scheduled with the Intel bazaar, thus there are booths from KFC, Jollibee and Tempura Sam. Haaiii!! Sometimes the universe does not conspire with your goal. Hihi!!

Manghuhula Chuva!

hahOne thing I made sure I’d accomplish on my last vacation was to visit the manghuhula highly recommended by a close friend (he daw predicted the cause of a death of a friend of a friend… Duh!). I’m sort of fond of these stuff, so was really looking forward to it. The first visit was a failure as we were not able to make an appointment (busy kaha si sir). So the next visit, with my friends tagging along, I was able to successfully have my future predicted.

Here are some of my Hula:
I’d have a travel with a help of a relative but this is something I’d be forced as I am not really keen daw on traveling… yah! Kinda true! We’ll see…
I’d be marrying late-but I’d definitely be married. sure?? Good Luck!
In relation to that hula;
a younger sister would be marrying ahead of me. Hmm! Ok lang!
Must find a guy who is 2 - 4 years older in order for me to have a successful marriage.
Must marry from age 27-28 or else my marriage would be full of struggles.
My father will be sick so he must “Really Really ” try to be careful. Scary!
A coming surprise before my birthday! Something big will happen! Ano daw? Surprise nga eh!!!

Whenever I’d visit a manghuhula, I’d always be equipped with questions and expectations that most are always left unanswered (like when I’d be relocated back to cebu, will I be staying in my job or should I go looking for another one, and when will I have that peace of mind) and sooo my expectations were not really met. The amazing thing is that I always come back as if these manghuhulas will unravel something big for my future.

The thing is, I always try not to let these predictions bother me. But when a hula like your father’s health is mentioned, you can’t stop but be troubled by it . So the first thing I did was scold my dad about his lifestyle and also look forward to the travel. Hihi!!

Will keep you posted if the “hulas” came true.

My Workweek worth of Lessons

I am quite amazed on the things I learned this week:

A friend appreciated the movie ratatouille because of the lesson… I thought the lesson is, ‘you shouldn’t live in a rat colony coz it’s disgusting’ but the lesson as I was told, was everybody can cook but not everyone can be great… “cook” he said symbolizes everything we do in life… I said arrrghh!!

A friend shared an almost fall out with a friend because of a guy! I thought it was sooo high school! I was told it was about friendship, valuing your relationships and unending struggle with paranoia. I say whew!!

I always thought lessons come in a best selling book, a grand scale movie or a life altering experience. Yet you realize that it can also be during those boring and sleepy nights, when you’re working on a night shift and there’s nothing more logical thing to do but to chat with your equally bored and sleepy friends!
Nyt nyt!!!

Baon Gikan Cebu

I always would take time to completely shake off my vacation mode everytime I get back from cebu…. But unlike my first vacation which I cried the night before leaving… this time I was semi glad that my vacation was over… mainly because I was running out of moolah… But still the same sadness on missing something you can’t put your fingers on; like sleeping on my bed, getting picked on by my sisters, fighting over the remote with my father or getting yelled at by my mom even for a fact that i seem to have a better life far away.


This time, I seem to have realized one very important thing over my vacation:


I have gone very fat - I was a bridesmaid on my parent’s renewal of vows and looking at my pictures I have gone quite chubby. Waaahh!!!!



Gone were the days that I hoped I’ll be a stewardess!!!


Wla gyd klaro nuh!!! So attached with this entry is my vow to be super skinny and super sexy in my next vacation… GUD LUCK NLANG GYD!!!

Night Shift Tralala!

I was never nocturnal. The only times I slept late was when I was waiting for the rated R movies in wowow or when I had to wait for my parents to sleep just so I can watch porn. Though I’ve had ppl tell me that it was bearable, I was really dreading the time that I’d be in night shift. (Actually it was the lack of cute guys to keep me awake nyahaha!!! I was in the worse team) Constantly comforting myself that I’d get 25% increase in my daily wage, I managed to stay awake, even in the wee hours of the night. So here I am, still awake at 4 am!! Bothering a coworker as to how much he’s paid after 12 years in the company to walking around like a zombie just sooo I’d keep my eyes open.

While trying to be awake it dawned on me that I have matured… before my reason was porn now it’s money… my parents will be proud! But then I can always watch porn now as I am no longer living with them! Nyahaha!!! Love love to JayR and Yov! You guys have done it for more than 2 yrs in call center

Pista Walay Tubig

If there’s one thing I hate abut our home in Cebu is its long hours of not having water. I remember just staying in bed not eating and drinking too much as I may have an urge to pee anytime of the day. That day would always be Sundays usually from seven to four. So at about 5pm I’d be cheerful and happy and ready to go to mass. But if the scenario extends I’d have an excuse not to attend the mass. For some reason my mother who would force me to go, found it valid. She knew how cranky I can be without water. When I transferred to cavite, I remember thinking that I’d never suffer that again and boy was I wrong !!! I had more Sundays or Saturdays without water, and it would last 12 to 16 hours. But just this weekend!!! The most horrible thing happened, “NO WATER FOR TWO DAYS.” The entire weekend!!! The only days, I’d get to stay at home… one day I can bear but TWO DAYS!!! My God it was unimaginable… Soooo, I decided not to drink too much so that I’d only get to pee once a day and boy I’m lucky to be constipated!!! Imagine my despair when they announced that it’ll last till Monday!! I am in hell… Grrr!!!!

The Friends I Have

November 27, 2007

In college I met the most diverse, interesting and fun friends… I decided to keep them for life when I was a junior (I couldn’t understand them in my freshmen and sophomore years)…So one day (junior year), before I went to sleep, while thinking about my day, I decided to keep them… they after all brought out the best in me… I didn’t realize that I was good at something before meeting them…
Because of them…

I am able to handle scrutiny like no other. My patience has never been that stretched.

I love coffee… in one of those busy college nights they talked me into drinking coffee and I never stopped. Starbucks just love them.

I go out… I am a homebuddy… and enjoy watching TV yet they always encourage me to sometimes explore…. Then drink coffee

I talk about people behind their backs. (not entirely their fault but I like to blame them.)

I dress up. I just feel confident around these people.

I have nasty and ridiculous sexual fantasies… (the things they share! My goodness)


“I feel that my life is sometimes interesting and that makes me feel good about myself.”

Did I mention I passed and survived college because of them… hehe! Ciao!!!

dedicated to my six++ fetchest friends–

The Quest to become the Next Top Stewardess

I am tall… a manager who didn’t know me, referred to me as ‘the tall IE’… I’ve always been at the back end of the line since grade 1. I’ve always had people tell me I should join beauty contests… all because I am… “TALL”

So one day while reanalyzing my purpose in life and what will truly make me happy… I realized I should be a stewardess. I am after all TALL…

THE PROBLEM IS— I have weight issues.

Aside from being tall… I am also healthy – not overweight but healthy…
I have stocky features — my legs are kinda thick (roll eyes) — I’d like to call it proportional (I’d look weird if my legs are skinny)
And as much as I want to lose the fats… I hate exercise and I love French fries…
So you see the quest to become a stewardess is not that easy…

I was looking at a friend’s pic who went on to become a stewardess and boy she looked fab!!! the cities she visited and the multi-colored friends she had… I WANT ALL THAT!!!

I want to meet new people, get a chance to kiss a blue eyed guy, eat at a restaurant where I don’t understand the menu, have different currencies in my wallet, probably earn more and just plainly explore <>… but most of all, I want to go home to my family after experiencing all that… I want to share everything to my mother, make my sisters envy and have my dad fetch me every time I come home… it should be fun… I see it in my friend’s face she looked happy… sunbathing and smiling in different hotels. Whew!!!!

So my diet suddenly started… I cut down rice, ate less, and gulped all the slimming tea I needed, for nothing… I never noticed change… I realized I’ve never been skinny… I’ve always been a healthy girl.. my mother told me that I was never the malnourish kid, cause I used to snatch my sister’s food just so I could eat . So maybe i am built this way… but I am not losing hope, one friend told me, some airlines accept not so skinny girls … the quest and the struggle still goes on…ciao!

the "LAO"

know me more!

Name: Diane Lao
Nickname: colleagues and friends -"LAO" ; family - ayang
Birthday: April 11, 1983
Zodiac: aries - assertive, aggressive, initiator, quick witted but hot tempered and easily gets bored (compatible with: Sagittarius, Leo and Gemini)

Status: Single
Hobby: eating, internet surfing and watching DVD

I was born and raised in a big family and so I’ve actually been surrounded by sooo many people; my parents, sisters, other extended family members and yayas. I just realized recently that since I am the eldest of 5 I am actually the favorite of both my parents, I am that only daughter who was constantly asked to run errands for my mom and is the first to be scolded and whipped by my dad.

I have set a good role model to my younger sisters as I was able to graduate on time and did not have a relationship until now. Wahaha!!!

I’ll probably be single for the rest of my life - I have started daydreaming on how it is like to have a boyfriend, as early as elementary, and got exhausted early this year (2007).


Boring Gaga (I am sooo boring it hurts)

I like spending time in my house alone or if I’m in cebu I’d spend most of my day in my room. I feel like I could function well without anyone around.
I am soo addicted to TV. (no need to expound)
I enjoy eating in restaurants and roaming around the malls by myself.

I am kinda shy yet most of the people I’m close with would think otherwise.

I enjoy simple pleasures like able to eat, buy blouse and watch the CSI season 7 in one day.

My idea of a night out is a semi-chaotic dinner with friends then coffee at starbucks.

Because of my kinda boring personality, I have decided to befriend eclectic, diverse and super fun friends.


Diet Diva (The author is an avid fan of Jessica Alba not because she’s a good actress but she solemnly aspires to one day achieve her body.)

I have been struggling with my weight ever since I realized that I am on the heavy side (but not fat), which was after I met my skinny friends.

Since this writing, I have lost about 10 lbs and my secret are as follows:
I surrounded myself with pictures of Jessica Alba (several are posted in my room and my laptop wallpaper), so I’d be reminded of my goal.
I have decided not to eat after 5PM - not 6 but 5PM - as in zero food.
I have gulped all the available slimming teas in the market.


Virginal Queen

As you may know, I have not had any relationship yet, however I will consider myself highly educated and well informed on that matter as I have listened and observed other people’s romantic lives. Wihihi!!

Though I do not want a relationship right now, I may change my mind if I meet a tall (5′11), blue eyed, funny, intelligent, street smart, spiritual, knows how to cook and clean the house and swears to be on call (for me) 24/7.